i think my tv is drunk
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
