Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize