I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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