Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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