Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
