Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
