Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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