are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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