You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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