Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
