my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
