One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
