sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
