So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
