Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
