chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
