hotel room ftw
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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