I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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