Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
