Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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