dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
