Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
