he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
