I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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