we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
