I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
