I just saw a hot homeless man
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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