there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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