It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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