Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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