I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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