She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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