How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
