Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
