I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
