He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
