she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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