just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
