So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My life is pants optional.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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