Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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