there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
