yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
True strength comes from lack of pants
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
