On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish I only lived at night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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