Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sober January is a disaster.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
