His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
