make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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