Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
