so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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