You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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