I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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