girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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