Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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