they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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