Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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