I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
