I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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