Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
