She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
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We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
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I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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