dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
