I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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