Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
