return my video game
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
