In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
