Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
