btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
